Friendship or Whatever
by Constable Paperbag
Summary: Jaune and Cinder's squabbling is really getting on Ren's nerves. A picnic in the countryside should help clear the air. Armed with a picnic basket and the goodwill among men, it's time for peace to take action.


**Here's something that wasn't supposed to exist. I wrote it to my friends for a laugh, but they requested I put it here. So here we are. This contains spoilers for episode 12, so if you haven't seen that yet and don't wanna get spoiled, you best not read. For those who have... don't read it anyway.**

 **Don't enjoy:**

* * *

It was a cold day in hell for Cinder Fall right now, if she even got cold because she's burned by the fires of Maiden's and destiny.

Jaune Arc and lads were storming the gates of the vault. Cinder was doing something evil that resulted in Vernal and Raven getting beat up by her evil. Oh, the shock on their faces when it was revealed that Vernal wasn't the Spring Maiden. It was even more surprising when it was revealed not to be Raven, either. It was Cinder. It had always been Cinder. She just needed to look deep inside herself until she was ready to believe that she was indeed the Spring Maiden.

Now that Cinder had finished that personal journey of hers, she was ready to do more Maiden stuff.

Or could she? She didn't have time to figure that out because she was about to be attacked by kids. Team JNR burst in and got ready for combat. Vernal was down for the count already due to Cinder's stretchy Grimm arm which she inherited from the Nuckelavee. To Raven, Vernal had always been the daughter she had never had. She had formed a strong, maternal bond with the beyblade-wielding girl.

That is why Raven was nowhere to be found. She had flown away the moment she could get too involved in her life.

Jaune glared at Cinder with the kind of fury a medic could offer. She better be careful he didn't get too angry, otherwise he might put plasters on her only to rip them off quickly and painfully. Look out, Cinder. The doctor is in and he's prescribing a heavy dose of death.

"There you are," Jaune cried. "Cinder Fall. My archrival!"

Cinder frowned in confusion and pointed to herself. "Me?"

"Yes, you! You took what I knew for a few months, so now I will do the same to you."

Cinder laughed. "Hoho, is that so? You think just because you have magic hands you think you can beat me? I stepped on you once, boy. I'll gladly do it again." Her face became red at the sound of her words. "Because I want to hurt you, of course."

That was it. That was the last straw. The last call. The last Jedi. Jaune had had enough of her cheesy ways. The two lunged at each other with weapons at the ready. This was gonna be the smackdown of the century. Two warriors who up until recently decided that one or the other was better off dead. They charged in slow motion again without the interference of silver eyes, ready to cut each other-

"No!"

A voice cut through the air and halted the two foes. They tripped over in shock and crashed into each other's arms. The familiar feeling of being inside someone's warm embrace was welcoming to Jaune. It had been a while since someone had given him a hug. It made him feel safe and important. Cinder, on the other hand, had no previous experience with such matters, but quickly welcomed the sensation. She closed her eyes and rested her head atop the blond boy's, allowing herself to slip into comfort.

Then they remembered they hated each other, so they let go. Jaune used his healing hands to rid himself clean of impurities, and Cinder set her now dirty clothes on fire to burn away the filth.

Ren appeared out of the shadows like Blake if she was still around to do that. "No," said Ren again. "You will not fight her, Jaune."

Jaune was completely bamboozled by what his teammate was saying. "I won't?"

"You won't."

"He won't?"

"He won't."

"I won't…" Jaune shook his head in anger. Now was not the time for words. There had been enough of that lately. "What are you talking about, Ren? Why won't you let me fight her?"

"Yeah," Cinder stomped in frustration. "Why won't you let me kill him?"

"There has been too much fighting and death for one lifetime," Ren said like a wise old fortune-cookie. "I will not allow you two to continue the cycle of death of which we have found ourselves trapped in. You two have issues, I get that. But there has to be another way to resolve this."

"Easy for you to say," Jaune snapped. "You've still got your partner, your confidence, your pride…" Jaune stared at the ground and whimpered. "I have nothing left except my desire to kill her."

"I have plenty of opportunities in life," Cinder said. "That said, I too still really wanna kill him. He damaged my mask. I got this shit from the collector's edition of Phantom of the Opera. It's priceless."

"I will not let you," Ren said, slamming his hand on the ground and activating his semblance. Jaune and Cinder instantly became mellow. They still harboured dark feelings for each other, but right now they were too stoned to even monologue. "Now do I have your attention?" Ren snapped. The two mortal enemies drooled in affirmation. "Good. As I said, we're settling this peacefully. And I know just how to do it." His head snapped towards his partner. "Nora!"

The ginger comrade saluted him. "Yes, Ren!"

"Fetch me my picnic basket," Ren smiled. "We're settling this like proper adults…"

[/]

Mistral truly had some beautiful scenery. It was a shame they didn't step foot outside their safe house until after the baddies attacked since this was a proper, jaw-dropping location Ren had found. They were sitting on a hill under a yew tree that had a perfect view of the entire city. The sunset was rising over the mountains, painting the sky in a beautiful shade of blue and red. The sound of birds singing and the city waking up could be heard below. His childhood friend was sitting by his side, happily munching away at her food and cuddling up next to him. He smiled and ran a hand through her soft hair. She giggled in content.

Nothing else seemed to matter right now. Everything was calm. Pristine. Beautiful.

It was perfect.

"Hate her."

"Hate him more."

"I hope that eye wound gets infected."

"You're probably not even a real blond."

Ren sighed. Well, it was _almost_ perfect. Jaune and Cinder had done nothing but bicker ever since coming up here. Seriously, they were ruining the moment. Couldn't they set their differences aside for just one second and take time to appreciate the kebabs he had made?

"Fall Maiden? More like False Maiden."

"You look and sound like something out of a children's book."

"That's enough!" Ren sighed. He put his hand on the ground again and activated his semblance. A purple aura surrounded the two party-poopers and their bodies sagged. Jaune lifted his head up as much as he could and glared at Ren.

"Damn it, Ren, stop that!" he growled. "You can't just tamper with our moods like that. You're gonna give us heart attacks if you keep this up."

"If you two only stopped arguing, I wouldn't have to use it," Ren shrugged. It's not like he enjoyed slowing down their hearts to make them calm down, but it had to be done.

"The idiot's right," Cinder gasped. Her breathing was becoming slow and heavy. "I'm seriously feeling light-headed right now. I think you've been using your semblance too much."

"Nonsense, I use my semblance all the time on Nora to make her calm down, and there's nothing wrong with her. Right, Nora?" Nora didn't respond because she was talking to a ladybird about agriculture. "So stop squabbling and enjoy the picnic. Try to find something to talk about other than killing each other."

Ren went back to his meal, leaving the other two to sort out their differences. Jaune gave Cinder the evil eye. Cinder gave him her only eye, which just so happens to be evil. Handy.

"So…"

"What?"

"... what's working with Salem like?"

"Could be worse. I get stretchy arms because of it."

"Ah."

Ren smiled. At least they didn't sound like they wanted to rip each other's throats out. Not for now, at least. He bit into his kebab in peace.

"Hey, I recognise that metal. That cereal girl was wearing it when we fought."

"Yeah, I kinda fused it with my own armour. You know, as a way of honouring her and all?"

"Really now? I'm, er, sorry for what happened."

Jaune shrugged. "Stuff happens, I guess. Just gotta roll with it now."

"... the armour does look nice, you know."

"Thanks… I like your dress. The mask is kinda cool too."

Now they were getting somewhere. The two of them were forgetting about their silly old quarrels and enjoying each other's company. Jaune was talking about his family and seven sisters, and Cinder was talking about her lack of family and traumatic childhood. The two were becoming closer than peas in a pod.

Ren patted himself on the back, then got Nora to do it to him too. He was the best therapist anyone could ask for. He was able to calm the roughest of oceans, brave the fiercest of storms. There was nothing calm reasoning couldn't resolve if only one found the patience and compassion to give it a go.

He looked down at the school in the distance. He wondered if Adam and his herd were still planting bombs in an otherwise abandoned building. It was a little harder to fear someone's message when they blow up buildings with no one in them. Attacking Beacon was one thing, but at least the school still had people in it. The government knocks down abandoned buildings all the time and no one bats an eye at that. Maybe the White Fang had reformed and were working with the government now?

Ah well, it wasn't his concern. Let everyone else worry about things like that. He had a picnic to enjoy.

Cinder was sitting in Jaune's lap, giggling at his jokes. Jaune tweaked her nose and laughed at her reaction. Those two were precious. Jaune grabbed one of Ren's homemade kebabs and held it in front of her.

"Try some of this, Cinder," he said happily. "Ren's cooking is amazing."

Cinder rolled her eye. "Okay, okay. But only because you asked me to." She took it in her special Grimm hand and bit into it. Her eye widened and spat it back out. "Bleh. Good God, this is disgusting," she grimaced.

"Huh? That can't be right, lemme try it." Jaune took a bite out of the kebab. His face turned green. "Oh crap, this is disgusting! Let me get another one." Jaune bit into another kebab, only to have the same reaction as before. The two now BFFL's were biting into every kebab in the basket and scrunching their faces in disgust. "Geez, Ren, these suck!" Jaune moaned.

Ren's eye twitched. Did someone just say… his cooking… sucked?

"You must be mistaken, you two," he said in a calm, non-murderous fashion. "You two did just get into a fight. Your taste buds must be wonky from all that stress."

"I dunno, man. These things seriously are icky." Jaune threw his kebab over the hill and Cinder threw a fireball at it. The meat exploded in a fiery inferno of dissatisfaction. "Seriously, Ren, you can do better than this. What gives?"

"Jaune… I'm warning you," Ren said. Everything would be fine. His leader knew not what he said. Order would be restored.

"I think he was trying to poison me," Cinder growled. "He took advantage of my good nature and tried to have me killed. You're friend's a monster, Jaune."

Jaune gasped and took Cinder's hand in his own. "Is that true, Ren? Why would you do that to someone like her?"

Inner peace. That's what he needed right now. He just needed to focus on the birds and scenery.

"He's hesitating," Cinder snapped. "Let's get out of here, Jaune. I don't associate myself with killers."

"Neither do I," Jaune nodded. "Come back to mine, Cinder. I'll make you a real dinner. Then we can talk about destiny and how shit a cook Ren is."

Inner peace…

"Oh, Jaune. You always know just what to say. I love you."

"I less than three you too."

"But I hate Ren."

"So do I. I no longer want him as my sister."

Oh, that was it!

Ren activated his semblance one final time. There was peace that needed to be felt here. If they weren't gonna feel it, he would make them feel it. He pumped copious amounts of soothing aura into their bodies to mellow them out. Peace and tranquillity were flowing through the star-crossed-lovers.

This went on for ten minutes before he used his semblance on himself. He was a relaxed person by nature, so he didn't need as much enlightenment as them. Five seconds was enough for him before he was ready to let things return to normal.

"Right, now that that's settled, what say we agree to disagree and enjoy the rest of the day. What do you say, guys?" Ren turned his head back to look at the dynamic duo. "Guys?"

Jaune and Cinder lay crumpled on the grass, drool leaking out of their mouths. Their eyes were open and staring at nothing. It didn't look like they were breathing either. What the kebab was going on here?

"Ren, I think you killed them," said Nora behind him.

Ren was shocked. "Huh, maybe they weren't kidding about the whole heart attack thing," he mused. "I've gotta be more careful when I use my semblance."

"Meh. We can worry about them later. Wouldn't be the first time we've had to bury loved ones." Nora patted down on the grass next to her. "Come on, let's enjoy the rest of the day."

Just like how a broken clock was right twice a day, Nora occasionally came out with a good idea. Ren sat down next to her and she leaned her head on his shoulder. "This is nice, isn't it?" he smiled.

"The best," she giggled.

"But something doesn't make sense," he said. "I use my semblance on you almost every day. How come you're still alive?"

"Who says that I am?"

"What?"

Nora got off of his shoulder and looked him dead in the eye. "Who's to say that I'm real? That any of this is real? You've dealt with some real shit in the day, Ren. I knew your mind was gonna play tricks on you one day. It was only a matter of when."

A cold wind washed over Ren. The leaves on the tree started to fall until there was nothing but bare branches. The grass beneath him shrivelled up and died. The sun had lost all of its warmth and blackened in the sky, which was now turning a sickening shade of red.

Ren could hear screams below. The sounds of Grimm slaughtering innocent people. Fresh corpses littered the streets, their blood leaking out onto the ground. The whole world was erupting into chaos.

And then the city changed. The buildings of Mistral were changing, morphing into something different. Some _where_ different. All of a sudden, the city of Mistral was replaced with a perfect image of Kuroyuri. The settlement that he had once called home. The day everything went to hell...

This… this was hell…

Ren wretched his eyes away from the nightmare image of his home and looked at Nora again. Her face was different. Her eyes were grey and lifeless. Her bright, healthy hair had fallen out. Her skin was rotten and decayed. It was like looking at a corpse. Ren's silence was all the twisted version of Nora needed to continue.

"You've been sleeping, Ren," she growled. Her voice sounded like nails on a chalkboard and her breath reeked of the grave. "But now it's time to wake up." She pushed a finger against his nose. Ren could feel the bone protruding out of it. "Boop…"

[/]

Ren woke up with a scream in his bed, sweat pouring down his body. He looked around the room in fear and frantically reached for Stormflower. He never left his weapon to far away from him. His eyes scanned the room for any signs of danger. No matter how scared he was, his hunter instincts always kicked in. It was only when he was unable to detect any threats that he finally lowered his weapon.

God, what a dream. What a nightmare. His body was trembling all over. His hands were shaking like an old man. He placed one on his chest and activated his semblance. Thank God he was able to perform it on himself. It really helped with his anxieties. Without it and Nora, his body would've given in from panic attacks years ago.

He brought his hand to his face and rubbed his eyes. He chuckled at the moisture on his fingers when he pulled away. He had actually been crying. He was such a fool sometimes. When his heart finally settled, he crossed his legs and started to meditate. That had always helped him even in the most stressful of times. It was a time where he could truly be one with himself and his surroundings.

He thought of leaves in the wind, warm tea and Nora. Things that reminded him of home. Of safety. Happy images that reminded him that all was well, or at least allowed him to imagine it was so.

His bedroom door was suddenly kicked open and Nora burst in, Magnhild at the ready. "Ren, are you alright?" she cried. "I heard you screaming. Did something happen?"

Nora Valkyrie. The woman who would lay her life on the line for him at a moment's notice. He was blessed to have someone like her in his life.

"I'm fine Nora," he chuckled. It was weak, but it was enough to let her know that he was alright. "Just had a bad dream."

Nora sheathed her weapon and knelt by him. Her comforting hand was placed on his shoulder. She always had a natural ability to radiate warmth. "Is it something you wanna talk about?"

Not really, if he was being honest. The stuff he had seen… it was his burden to bear. Nora had been sleeping soundly before he woke her up. There was no reason to make her lose any more sleep from the images he had witnessed. It was best to keep them to himself.

He smiled and kissed her forehead. "I'm fine, Nora," he repeated softly. "Don't worry about me. I'm sorry I woke you up. Just go back to sleep and maybe I'll tell you tomorrow. We have a long day ahead of us, and I'd hate to see you drowsy because of me."

"You're worth it, silly," she scoffed. His heart melted. "Are you sure it's nothing you wanna talk about. I'm here for you, Ren."

He sighed and shook his head. Such visions would be too much for her. "I won't lie to you, Nora. It was bad. Probably the worst nightmare I had in a long time." He looked back up at her reassuringly. "But it's over now. I'll honestly feel better in the morning. Just go back to bed. I'll see you tomorrow."

"Sure." She gave him one last hug and kissed him on the cheek. "See you in the morning," she whispered, before getting up and walking towards the door.

Ren grimaced. Okay, he _did_ want to talk about a few things. What he dreamt about had truly been horrible, and he wasn't likely to get more sleep anytime soon. While his dream still plagued his mind after calming himself down, he'd probably feel a little better if he explained a few things.

"Nora, before you go," he called back to her. "I need you to promise me something."

She turned back to him, her eyes full of concern. "Anything."

Ren took a deep breath. As a rule, he never liked expressing his emotions, let alone his fears. But this was Nora. He knew he could trust her. Whatever horrors he had seen, she'd help him through them.

"Promise me, Nora. No matter how bad things get… don't ever let me cook kebabs."

* * *

 **I ate toast when proof-reading this. It was delicious, I assure you.**


End file.
